By Alex Simon
I wrote this to an acquaintance who asked me to look over a treatment some friends of hers had written, which she suspected was pretty bad. She asked for "blunt honesty," and I delivered, with an extra dollop of candor about what it feels like, from a writer's POV, when people think of us, and our profession, as not being real "work," but something one can approach casually. My intended 1-2 paragraph reply turned into a real rant. Thought I'd share it with some fellow scribes, and fellow travellers.
Dear Linda,
You asked for honesty, so here goes: this treatment is strictly amateur hour. The plot is convoluted and confusing, the characters are stereotypes, and the story is high melodrama posing as a "deep and meaningful" metaphor for the human condition and the path of self-destruction our race is on (supposedly). Plus, it is rife with grammatical and spelling errors, some unintentionally funny.
I take it the gentlemen who wrote this are acquaintances and/or friends of yours. I am also guessing that they are not professional writers and this is something they did on a lark, thinking that anyone can write a screenplay. This hits a real nerve with me, because most people cannot write screenplays, just as most people cannot perform brain surgery. For some reason, people outside Hollywood seem to think that making movies is easy, not back-breaking, brain-swelling work, which I promise you it is. Please tell them that if they're happy with their lives/careers to not even bother trying to write a screenplay. They will just face humiliation, rejection, and heartbreak, as they're amateurs trying to compete with some of the world's greatest creative minds, all of whom swallow the preceding trilogy of pain on a daily basis. It would be as if I played in a pick-up softball league and asked you to approach Alex Rodriguez to get me a tryout with the Yankees because, after all, I can really swat that beanbag on Sunday afternoons after church.
Screenwriting is not a hobby. It is a profession, a passion, and a calling. We who are professionals do it because we have no other choice. It's who we are, what we do, and we do it better than anyone, after years of training and practice. To give you an example: I wrote my first script at age 11. I have two degrees in film: a BA from USC's School of Cinematic Arts and an MFA from the American Film Institute, the Harvard and Yale, respectively, of film studies in the world. I'm now 43, with seven produced films, and have won three awards. After all of the aforementioned credentials and accolades, it looks like I might finally be getting some real heat on my latest project. To sum up, this is after three decades of writing, two degrees, and tens of thousands of hours at keyboards ranging from my dad's circa 1966 manual Remington, to the Dell desktop that is my current muse. My latest script, and my life, are not larks that I threw together with a buddy over beers one weekend--and that's what this treatment feels like to me.
If my reaction comes off as harsh, I apologize. It is not directed at you, but as I said before, when people think they can just toss off a screenplay after coming home from their 9 to 5, and then jump in the ring to compete, I am honestly a bit insulted. I realize that their act had nothing to do with me personally, but I do wish that people who are not writers would take those of us who are seriously, just as they do brain surgeons, rocket scientists, attorneys and firefighters. We're all professionals, and none of our fields are for the faint of heart, or those who don't have the skills to be in the trenches with us.
Rant concluded...
Dalton Trumbo: the real McCoy.
Now I want to know how much of that Linda passed on to her friends!
ReplyDeleteI once had a great talk about this issue with my architect father. He said over the years, non-architects occasionally approach him bearing blueprints they drew up themselves-- usually for additions to their homes-- and ask for his opinion, and he very nicely tells them they really need a pro.
Of course architects, brain surgeons, and airline pilots are all licensed by their states, because if they didn't know their stuff, people could very well be killed. And that's really the sad reality to the craft of screenwriting: that if a movie's dramatic structure collapses, no one in the audience is going to die. So amateurism reigns... and can even be wildly successful. So many people watch a lot of bad movies, and think "Hey, I could write something that bad!" And they're absolutely right.
"that if a movie's dramatic structure collapses, no one in the audience is going to die."
ReplyDeleteMaybe true. But it still does its damage!
1) audience loses faith in art.
2) poor values are passed on through the art from the writer's side.
3) poor values are ingrained from the audience's side.
4) disrespect grows rampant and delusional aggrandizing ensues.
5) the bar for quality gets set lower and lower.
6) people with money and egos say, "I can do that!" and fuck it up for those without moolah and connections, but do have talent.
7) those amateurs who do become successful suddenly feel entitled to pass on terrible habits and awful advice to more bumbling idiots, and it becomes a case of the blind leading the blind.
Sure it may not kill people or physically harm them, but something inside me, a tiny little part, dies every time this happens. But hey! That's life.
This rant seems to imply that one's qualifications and years of toil are the only redemptive qualities of a screen writer, and while I don't doubt the particular treatment was as terrible as you said, to dismiss it because its authors were not "professionals" seems elitist.
ReplyDeleteTheir lack of effort is what should (and to an extent, does) upset you, not their lack of credentials. There is no excuse for half-assing something, especially if they then ask someone else for feedback on their half-assedness.
But to say that someone shouldn't even try to come home from their 9-5 and put every ounce of effort they have left into writing a story that they feel deserves to be written is detrimental to the artistic process. The fact that anyone can write a story is both important for the evolution of fiction AND a testament to those who actually do succeed (like yourself!).
The earth hath bubbles, as the water has. And these are some of them.
ReplyDeleteWell-said, Brian.
ReplyDeleteThe Scottish Play provides a quote for pretty much every nuance that affects this mortal coil of ours. For this I am truly grateful, as it allows me to maintain a reasonably healthy perspective on all of This And That (which is the title of my next screenplay).
ReplyDeleteNot.
But it is a cool title.
I don't mean to demean the screenwriter's craft, because it's a skilled profession like the other you name in your post. However, I think the reason that ordinary people think anybody can do it is that so many films are produced with scripts that seem to be written by brain-damaged orangutans.
ReplyDeleteIt's only natural to walk out of a train wreck The Last Airbender thinking "Hell, I can write better than that!" That thought is almost always wrong, but I hope you can understand it.
Overall, nice article. Keep up the good work.
An interesting post about My Brother's War on imdb:
ReplyDeleteThis is just another in a long line of truly bad films about Northern Ireland and the IRA. when will the Americans forget about making this type of movie because it is clear they have no idea what the situation is all about. This film is about two brothers who are IRA members , one who is fitted up for a bombing and the other ( Liam ) who is the loonie who has formed his own section of the IRA and who plans to destroy the talks with the goverment about ending the war. This is where things get a bit ridiculous , for some reason the guy who is sent in to Northern Ireland to sort out the younger brother is a 60 year old CIA agent!!! Why??? Apart from the bad acting and the lousy script thr most annoying aspect of this film is the really bad accents.Do you remember Dick Van Dyke's terrible English accent in mary poppins? well check out the guy who plays Liam in this film , he cant remember if he is American or Irish and he keeps switching. The only good thing i can say about the film is that it does show what evil the the IRA really are. Do yourself a favour and steer well clear of this film. 5 out of 10
Dear Anonymous (if that is your real name),
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you re-posted this review of MY BROTHER'S WAR from IMDb, as no one agrees with it more than I do. MBW was, by far, the most disillusioning experience I've had as a screenwriter. While the original script remains a piece of work I'm very proud of, the final result left me wanting to leap at the screen with a dagger.
This illustrates another reality screenwriters must face which I didn't address in the rant: most of our work is bastardized by the time it reaches the screen, and bears little resemblance to our original intention. That horrible movie you paid $15 for last weekend, which left you bemoaning "How the **** does this stuff get made?" was probably a terrific script in its original incarnation, and was then watered down, if not ruined, by committee.
In fact, of my seven produced credits, only two am I still able to watch without cringing, and reaching for a bottle of Seconal.
That said, I opted to keep my name on the work, as the idea sprang from me, and I think we should all take responsibility for our actions, thoughts and words. You might take this to heart yourself the next time you post a message. Show some sack--put your name on your words. Otherwise, no one will take you seriously, least of all the person you intended to call out on the carpet.